![]() Philadelphia-based couples counselor Folashade Adekunle, MEd, agrees and says there is an important difference between couples who “roast” each other in a consensual, teasing way and someone whose “jokes” make you feel bad about yourself. Excessive sarcasm, a mean sense of humor, or jokes that regularly point out your flaws can represent “a nonconsensual way to leverage power in the relationship,” Dulcinea Pitagora, PhD, LCSW, New York City–based psychotherapist and sex therapist, tells SELF. ![]() “It was only a joke” are not magical words that erase hurtful insults. They put you down, even in a teasing way. You’re supposed to feel relaxed and safe when you’re in a healthy partnership-not like you’re being smothered or walking on eggshells. It’s signaling a dangerous, possibly even abusive relationship, Dr. For example, if their immediate reaction is to scream at you (“Why are you talking to them?!”) or to dictate who you can or can’t hang out with (“Next time, you have to tell me first.”), that goes beyond mere concern.
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